Hey there followers, lurkers and other internet dwellers! Forever Right here with a post concerning the cooking of steak. For me the first and foremost rule for etiquette concerning your steak is how you have it cooked, now I like mine "blue" (basically, this means it is very quickly sealed on either side) I understand how this may be a little too raw for some people, I can just about bring myself to ignore the stupidity of wanting it cooked any other way due to loss of moisture and flavour. What I can't do though is forgive anyone who cooks or orders steak WELL-DONE, this is a travesty of monumental proportions, you may as well have spat in the cooks face and trod on your steak, congratulations, you are a moron with no sense of taste.
There are a myriad of reasons why one should NEVER order a steak well done, for starters, it's dry, the longer you cook a steak the dryer your steak gets, and the dryer your steak gets the less flavour it has. You have taken a perfectly good piece of meat and turned it into nothing but cardboard. "Wow, that meal was divine, I really loved the dryness of the salmon", "Oh goodness what an exquisite dish, the charred coal-like remains of the turkey were simply superb", these are sentences which you will never hear, yet it is perfectly acceptable in the year 2012 for someone to ask to have their streak ruined and then hand over money for it. The only excuse that would bring me even slightly close to not dismissing you as an idiot would be if you had rabies and the sever aversion to moisture forced you have your steak ruined. Seriously though, if this is the case just buy a bag of crisps.
One must also think of the cow itself, i'm no animal rights activist, as this next section will probably prove, but I know that if I was a cow and I knew that I was going to be eaten, and I also knew that I was freaking delicious, I would want to be enjoyed to the highest possible extreme. Therefore I would want to be juicy, tender, melt in your mouth, I would want to be blue, rare or if needs must ,medium rare; but to cremate me? to have me well done? You've already killed me... Why not urinate on my grave as well? (obviously cows do not have graves).
Finally, if you are going to have that steak well-done just remind yourself, someone of sound mind could be enjoying that. While you chomp away chewing incessantly because your idiotic decision has made your meat tough and barely edible, a cow is rolling in its metaphorical grave and I am hating you from afar. Grow some fecking tastebuds, cure your rabies, give the cow some dignity and don't ever order a steak well-done.
- Forever Right
P.S. The chef also thinks you're an idiot and they hate having to practically destroy a perfectly good piece of meat.