Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Skyrim Map

For those of you who are still playing Skyrim, probably those who playing the clearly superior pc version (thanks to the limitless possibilities the modding community presents thanks to Steams fantastically integrated "Steam Workshop"0) IGN has released a "Google Maps" of Skyrim. Find all the easter eggs quickly and easily. Including the fabled "Notched Pickaxe" for all you minecrafters out there.

Monday, 2 April 2012

Assassins Creed, Revelations on Expansion Pack Dross.

*Possible Spoilers - You have been warned*
Ubisoft have recently unveiled that they will be releasing Assassins Creed III on October 31st 2012. For those of you who don't know, Assassins Creed is a shambolically convoluted tale in which the player takes control of various characters from various timelines in a battle against the evil and almighty cospiracy-theory-inspiring sect, the Templars ALSO ALIENS. Initially the player takes control of the protagonist Desmond, who is coerced into reliving past lives in order for the goodies/baddies/morally ambiguous to retrace a powerful ancient artifact. Of course hilarity ensues, in the first game you play Altier, a medieval parkour assassin with a passion for stabbin'. The more recent installments (2, Brotherhood and Revelations) have primarily focused on Italian stereotype Ezio, a slimy SOB with his own passion for stabbing with his penis and his wrist daggers. Unusually for me I actually enjoyed the majority of the games, apart from the painfully lackluster Revelations which is gathering dust as I type.
read more.

Although Brotherhood felt like Assassins Creed 2.1 it did provide an interesting and different online mode which I had previously fathomed difficult, although it wasn't for everyone it was for me so everyone else can go away and play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 online. Revelations however felt like it hadn't moved at all, the plot was so forgettable I have literally forgotten it, I seem to remember it was something to do with Ezio going "what's going on here?!" again and again, trying to solve a mystery which he had little motivation to solve and trying to get lucky with a local dame.

                                                       "Give me some sugar baby."

Don't get me wrong though, Revelations had its differences from its predecessors, firstly, Ezio now has even more equiptment to add to his already cumbersome inventory, on top of his fists,dagger, sword, crossbow, throwing knives, hidden blade, poisoned hidden blade, poison darts and GUN which he is carting about, he now carries a large selection of bombs and a hook, which you can use to annoy civilians by tripping them up or climb things with more ease than you could do before *sigh*. The bombs can be crafted to suit the players needs and come in four casings, the effects of which are self explanatory, these are: fused, sticky, impact or tripwire. From this point on you can fill your bombs with various types of powders which change the effects of your bomb, basically they will either obscure, distract or kill. This however is where it gets retarded, making bombs feels like a chore and most of the bombs seem retardedly useless, why would I want to make a weak grenade that does little damage? Why would I want to use other distractions when I can just use a smoke grenade? In fact, why use any of this useless droll when I have 15 crossbow bolts, 6 bullets for my handgun (which no one ever seems to hear) and a handful of poison darts which not only kill but also distract. Either that or I could have an volley of arrows ushered in from concealed assassins, or just send 6 of them in to fight off the enemy while I stroll through seemingly unencumbered by the museum of historically weaponry I am carrying around with me. This wouldn't be a problem if the combat was either challenging or satisfying, it just isn't, the whole experience just feels like an expansion pack of an expansion pack, of course this isn't to lump it in with the copy and paste mentality of the billionaires at infinty ward and treyarch, but it is almost as retarded.

Assassins Creed III however apparently promises something different, it better had though. Initially, (because of the titling) I thought Ubisoft had realised their content was stale, and they had better reboot it, seeing as everyone else is rebooting everything left right and center (I for one am dreading the american rehash of Akira, or Micheal Bay's next explosionathonic indulgence with my childhood bros the teenage mutant hero/ninja turtles). But no, the game has been in development since the release of Assassins Creed 2, the other two games were practically hefty expansion packs sold as juicy new games, they got us by the balls and they know it. I'll just be happy to see the back of the self satisfied pixel Ezio.


How about you? Looking forward to AC3? Any opinions? Let me know. Just remember, you may be wrong but i'll always be...

- Forever Right

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Ruined Meat

Hey there followers, lurkers and other internet dwellers! Forever Right here with a post concerning the cooking of steak. For me the first and foremost rule for etiquette concerning your steak is how you have it cooked, now I like mine "blue" (basically, this means it is very quickly sealed on either side) I understand how this may be a little too raw for some people, I can just about bring myself to ignore the stupidity of wanting it cooked any other way due to loss of moisture and flavour. What I can't do though is forgive anyone who cooks or orders steak WELL-DONE, this is a travesty of monumental proportions, you may as well have spat in the cooks face and trod on your steak, congratulations, you are a moron with no sense of taste.

There are a myriad of reasons why one should NEVER order a steak well done, for starters, it's dry, the longer you cook a steak the dryer your steak gets, and the dryer your steak gets the less flavour it has. You have taken a perfectly good piece of meat and turned it into nothing but cardboard. "Wow, that meal was divine, I really loved the dryness of the salmon", "Oh goodness what an exquisite dish, the charred coal-like remains of the turkey were simply superb", these are sentences which you will never hear, yet it is perfectly acceptable in the year 2012 for someone to ask to have their streak ruined and then hand over money for it. The only excuse that would bring me even slightly close to not dismissing you as an idiot would be if you had rabies and the sever aversion to moisture forced you have your steak ruined. Seriously though, if this is the case just buy a bag of crisps.

One must also think of the cow itself, i'm no animal rights activist, as this next section will probably prove, but I know that if I was a cow and I knew that I was going to be eaten, and I also knew that I was freaking delicious, I would want to be enjoyed to the highest possible extreme. Therefore I would want to be juicy, tender, melt in your mouth, I would want to be blue, rare or if needs must ,medium rare; but to cremate me? to have me well done? You've already killed me... Why not urinate on my grave as well? (obviously cows do not have graves).

Finally, if you are going to have that steak well-done just remind yourself, someone of sound mind could be enjoying that. While you chomp away chewing incessantly because your idiotic decision has made your meat tough and barely edible, a cow is rolling in its metaphorical grave and I am hating you from afar. Grow some fecking tastebuds, cure your rabies, give the cow some dignity and don't ever order a steak well-done.

- Forever Right

P.S. The chef also thinks you're an idiot and they hate having to practically destroy a perfectly good piece of meat.

April Fools!

Happy April Fools everybody.
For those of you who hasn't seen it yet, google maps has gone 8 bit. check it out! Nostalgia!