Assassins Creed, Revelations on Expansion Pack Dross.

*Possible Spoilers - You have been warned*
Ubisoft have recently unveiled that they will be releasing Assassins Creed III on October 31st 2012. For those of you who don't know, Assassins Creed is a shambolically convoluted tale in which the player takes control of various characters from various timelines in a battle against the evil and almighty cospiracy-theory-inspiring sect, the Templars ALSO ALIENS. Initially the player takes control of the protagonist Desmond, who is coerced into reliving past lives in order for the goodies/baddies/morally ambiguous to retrace a powerful ancient artifact. Of course hilarity ensues, in the first game you play Altier, a medieval parkour assassin with a passion for stabbin'. The more recent installments (2, Brotherhood and Revelations) have primarily focused on Italian stereotype Ezio, a slimy SOB with his own passion for stabbing with his penis and his wrist daggers. Unusually for me I actually enjoyed the majority of the games, apart from the painfully lackluster Revelations which is gathering dust as I type.
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Although Brotherhood felt like Assassins Creed 2.1 it did provide an interesting and different online mode which I had previously fathomed difficult, although it wasn't for everyone it was for me so everyone else can go away and play Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3 online. Revelations however felt like it hadn't moved at all, the plot was so forgettable I have literally forgotten it, I seem to remember it was something to do with Ezio going "what's going on here?!" again and again, trying to solve a mystery which he had little motivation to solve and trying to get lucky with a local dame.

                                                       "Give me some sugar baby."

Don't get me wrong though, Revelations had its differences from its predecessors, firstly, Ezio now has even more equiptment to add to his already cumbersome inventory, on top of his fists,dagger, sword, crossbow, throwing knives, hidden blade, poisoned hidden blade, poison darts and GUN which he is carting about, he now carries a large selection of bombs and a hook, which you can use to annoy civilians by tripping them up or climb things with more ease than you could do before *sigh*. The bombs can be crafted to suit the players needs and come in four casings, the effects of which are self explanatory, these are: fused, sticky, impact or tripwire. From this point on you can fill your bombs with various types of powders which change the effects of your bomb, basically they will either obscure, distract or kill. This however is where it gets retarded, making bombs feels like a chore and most of the bombs seem retardedly useless, why would I want to make a weak grenade that does little damage? Why would I want to use other distractions when I can just use a smoke grenade? In fact, why use any of this useless droll when I have 15 crossbow bolts, 6 bullets for my handgun (which no one ever seems to hear) and a handful of poison darts which not only kill but also distract. Either that or I could have an volley of arrows ushered in from concealed assassins, or just send 6 of them in to fight off the enemy while I stroll through seemingly unencumbered by the museum of historically weaponry I am carrying around with me. This wouldn't be a problem if the combat was either challenging or satisfying, it just isn't, the whole experience just feels like an expansion pack of an expansion pack, of course this isn't to lump it in with the copy and paste mentality of the billionaires at infinty ward and treyarch, but it is almost as retarded.

Assassins Creed III however apparently promises something different, it better had though. Initially, (because of the titling) I thought Ubisoft had realised their content was stale, and they had better reboot it, seeing as everyone else is rebooting everything left right and center (I for one am dreading the american rehash of Akira, or Micheal Bay's next explosionathonic indulgence with my childhood bros the teenage mutant hero/ninja turtles). But no, the game has been in development since the release of Assassins Creed 2, the other two games were practically hefty expansion packs sold as juicy new games, they got us by the balls and they know it. I'll just be happy to see the back of the self satisfied pixel Ezio.

                                                                  TOMAHAAAAAWK!

How about you? Looking forward to AC3? Any opinions? Let me know. Just remember, you may be wrong but i'll always be...

- Forever Right